the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
