I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
