I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
