Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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