Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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