I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
