I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
