that's an acceptable place to lick
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
