There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
