i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
