Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
