Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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