peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
