He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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