you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
