I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
