she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
