i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
