lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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