Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
