I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
