When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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