Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize