I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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