i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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