So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
