I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
