You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Drunk is not a location!
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
