hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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