The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
try to milk me bitch
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
