I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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