i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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