Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
