A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
