i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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