I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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