All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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