Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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