she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
my liver is dry heaving
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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