that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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