Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
