Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
