you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I'm passing your future prison.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
