If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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