Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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