why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Maybe he injected his testicle?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
