What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
