areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
