Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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