I wish you could order shots online.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
