Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
