was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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