Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
