mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
