You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Randomize
