put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
