Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
