jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize