i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
