my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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