I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Randomize
