I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Come on in and take your pants off
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