It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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