Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
