If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
