A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
