Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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