my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize