My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
