I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
