so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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