Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
