so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
