Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
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