I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Randomize
