You're my little dorito
Your dad touched me again.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
