I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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