Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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