Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
