Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
It was confusing and full of hummus
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
