I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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