Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
