It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
