I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
