yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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