I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
