I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
