I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Randomize
