Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
