Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
